Alive

As I walk lightly on this earth,

Carried by the unseen forces of nature, of qadr

Life pulsating in my veins, just like hope

I imagine the angels of Ar Rahman, surrounding me

With every crisp heartbeat, inching closer to my destination

I whisper the prayers of longing and relief

Living my dreams every day

Unwrapping the gifts of Al Wahhab

Delicately given, for the heart that searches

Searches and searches and then aches

Until it presents itself..a bouquet of reminders

Beautiful words from a beautiful friend

Or cool water on a hot summer's day of fasting

Or a smile from a sister, a look of love, a compliment

The stillness of the night sky with a gentle breeze, enveloping me in serenity

The gifts of Al Wahhab, so that I may turn

Back to him with gratitude, with love, with longing

So that I may turn, yet again and again

The gift of life wrapped as though in a beautiful flower

From it blooms the sweet steps and breaths

Longing to reach the real life, the one of eternity

Because no matter how sweet, this dunya is prison for the believer

In Jannah will I bloom in sha Allah, in sha Allah

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Quiet Heartbreak


The gentle breeze lifted the edge of her niqab. She silently held it in place. 


The laughter and glee of children playing was in the air as she walked aimlessly.


The smell of a nearby barbecue greeted her fasting frame. It was a Monday.


Walking was her solace. She could walk for hours and just be in her own world. Reflecting on the creation of Allah and His greatness.


And then suddenly, quiet pain seeped through her broken heart and filled her being.


She felt fragile as the tears found its way to her eyes. She closed them and let them flow gracefully.

Thankfully, no one would suspect that behind those layers of fabric were streams of tears.


For a stranger with a more careful eye, they might notice the glistening of her eyes, almost like pearls, and wonder if she wore contacts.


At that moment, the author wishes some kind stranger materialised and noticed her sad eyes. Felt her pain. Offered her a smile and comforting words. Maybe tempted her to break her fast with some hot cappuccino. She deserved it thoroughly.


But the strong, it seems, aren't made that way.


As the pain pulled at her heartstrings again, she repeated these words


"Allahumma la sahla illa ma ja'ltahu sahlan wa Anta ja'lul huzna iza shi'ata sahla"

'O Allah there is no ease except that which you made easy, and you make the difficulty, if you wish, easy'


She felt her burden lighten and she slowed her pace.


Mercy.

She realised with a pang that's what these tears were.


She remembered the hadith of her Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) when tears made its way to his eyes and a sahabi questioned it.


Narrated Anas bin Malik:
We went with Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) (p.b.u.h) to the blacksmith Abu Saif, and he was the husband of the wet-nurse of Ibrahim (the son of the Prophet). Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) took Ibrahim and kissed him and smelled him and later we entered Abu Saif's house and at that time Ibrahim was in his last breaths, and the eyes of Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) (p.b.u.h) started shedding tears. `Abdur Rahman bin `Auf said, "O Allah's Apostle, even you are weeping!" He said, "O Ibn `Auf, this is mercy." Then he wept more and said, "The eyes are shedding tears and the heart is grieved, and we will not say except what pleases our Lord, O Ibrahim ! Indeed we are grieved by your separation."



She felt a warmth as more tears made its way, but this time, these were tears of gratitude.


"Ya Rabb"

She quietly whispered.

"My King" she whispered again.

"My King who knows my dreams. My King who knows my pain, My King"


She made her way past bushes adorned with white flowers. She made her way past swings. Until she reached it. The water fountain.


There, just around the corner was an isolated bench.



She lightly placed herself on it.


"My King, My Rabb, The Most Merciful of those who show mercy"



She felt the sweetness of this connection. This dua. As the pain in her heart found words again.



"Heal my wounds and grant me happiness and peace, Ya Mujeeb, Ya Shafi, Ya Jabbar"

She felt something cool and light trickle down through her heart and into her being. It was as though these words were the balm for her stinging pain.



The wound still pulsated with hurt. But it was a beautiful pain. One that consistently reminded her of the nature of this dunya.


Temporary.


And one that made her long for her place in Jannah. Where she will be free from all worries, all the hurt. Where it will be all beauty without pain. With unimaginable joy.


And in that, she took pleasure. In that, she lived.

Nusaybah will live. Will strive. Will survive. 

In fact, she will thrive. In sha Allah.


~Inna lillahi wa Inna ilayhi rajioon

To Allah we belong and to Him we return.










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Miracles we forgot?- A look back into school and college
This is not going to be boring, hopefully.

Let's dive right into it.

I love science.

I love learning about the miraculous nature of the universe.

Paradox? I think not.

There are so many things that I recall learning in school and college, that resonated with me on a really deep- almost spiritual level.

This series is aimed at revisiting my fascination with those subjects, and bringing to table the aspect that we all seem to forget when learning about the world-

It's Creator. 

 This is aimed at exploring those laws of physics and chemistry, and maybe even social science (Maybe not, to say safe). And also to make myself put to good use the knowledge of those subjects, in sha Allah.


Let's try to find spirituality in computer science (My major in college)

I remember multiple things from school that may awaken our inner sense of wonder..and cause us to reflect with jaws dropped.

Some things that I can recollect off the top of my head-

Organic Chemistry
Isotopes
Isomers
Nuclear fission
Engineering Physics
Lasers

And much much more- time to hunt for some school textbooks, and explore these areas one by one!

Follow me on this journey in sha Allah!


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